I admit defeat. I can remember about a year ago feeling the same way, only actually even more defeated. Is it this time of year? Annie is in the "I don't care about anything, no matter what you do or say" mode, and she's winning. I'm taking it personally, and I'm not supposed to. But no matter what I do or say, she won't turn it around. How do you not take that personally?
I've been threatening her for months and months that if she doesn't start taking better care of her things, clothes, toys, whatever, she was going to find herself not having anything left. Well, I realize my first mistake was continuing to threaten and not doing anything about it. So I finally did it. I took all but three tops and three bottom, and three pairs of underwear from her closet. She was throwing her clothes in the bottom of the closet, putting clean clothes in the hamper rather than putting them away, leaving clothes laying all over the floor and even outside (huh?). For three days in a row she went out to play, took her shoes off, and then just left them out there, so there were three pair of shoes out there. But it isn't even only about the clothes.
She's been yelling at the other kids, being absolutely hateful to our 7 year old. She's been stealing candy (OLD candy from the lost depths of our pantry) and throwing huge tantrums. Everything she can do to get in trouble, she's been doing. For a while I was thinking it was fallout from losing Kristy, but when I look a little harder, I realize it started when we picked her up from Bible Camp. And it just gets worse day after day. And I finally came to the end of my rope. And I emptied her closet out. I told her the only way she can get any of it back is to start earning it with good behavior. So what does she do? Spits on Cindy, talks back to Granny, make me want to start a bonfire!
I don't know if this stems from anxiety. School is starting soon, and she'll have a new teacher and new class rules, more homework. She's surely anxious about Granny's failing health. She's anxious about the changes in the house, and now another one is leaving. (The 7 year old is going home.) I hope all this stems from anxiety over these things rather than just being cold-blooded sociopathic behavior! But like I said, she's broken me down, and I'm having trouble coping, trying to maintain, trying not to take things personal, because all this feels VERY personal.
We all need a prayer to make it through this time of turmoil. I hope we can be out of this before Christmas. Pretty soon she'll stop believing Santa is watching her, and then what will she care enough about to make her want to be a nice person? God help us all!!!
Thank you for reading!
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I was volunteering at a summer camp for kids in foster care this past week, and a lot of the kids there had behavioral problems. One of the things that was stressed to us a lot during our training session before the kids came was, when they act out like that, its almost NEVER about you! They are generally reacting, even subconsciously, to things that have happened in their past. All you can do is keep on doing what you've been doing, and help her ride out this stage in her life!
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