Well, we've been on a little kick to make things a bit healthier in our home. We finally got new furniture. Our old set was so comfortable, but was the kind of material that soaks in dust and grime like a sponge does water, and that just won't due. Plus, it was old, and we were ready for a change. So we found a nice microfiber sofa/love seat/chair and ottoman set that we really love. I think the microfiber will be easier to keep the dust from collecting in. And this furniture is very comfortable. Plus, bonus feature, we got a sleeper sofa so I now have a place for my older daughters to sleep when they visit. Well, and my brother and sis-in-law too.
The other thing we're doing this week is changing out the living room carpet for Pergo. Our carpet is seven years old and looks like it's 15 years old. It wasn't the kind of carpet meant for the traffic of over 200 kiddos. (Of course, when we chose it I didn't know I was going to have so many kids, or kids at all for that matter.) We've already put Pergo in the hall and boys' room, and we love it. Again, it will be something that will not grab onto dust and hold it in for years and years.
Why my obsession with dust? Normally, I'd say whatever, but I now have kiddos with high allergies and asthma. The flooring in the boys' room has made a difference for them. I think it will really help having it in the living room as well. The girls already have wood flooring. My hope is that it will help us keep the environment cleaner not just for the kids, but also for my mom. Next I want to get her floor done in her room cuz right now hers is horrible, and I think it'd be easier to keep her somewhat healthy if we got rid of her carpet. Her room and my room will be the only ones in the house left with carpet. Our goal is to be carpet free. Once we reach that goal, then we'll also change out the tile in the kitchen for the Pergo, and last we'll change out the parquet in the girls' room for Pergo so eventually the whole house will have it except the bathrooms and laundry room.
That reminds me, I really need to change the filters on the furnace tonight.
Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
PRIDE
Parent Resource for Information, Development, Education
This is the class I teach sometimes to train incoming foster parents. I love this class for a number of reasons...I love to teach, I feel like I get something new out of it every time I teach it, and I like meeting new foster parents. The entire course is 27 hours, broken up in 3 hour sessions, and I usually teach 2 or 3 sessions. Last year there was one round when I was the only foster parent trainer fully available to teach, so I got to teach 6 of the 9 sessions. That was great!!
But I have to say, I have one pet peeve when I'm teaching this class. I get very irritated with those people who come in thinking they already know all there is to know and are only going through the motions so they can get their license and move on. First of all, NOBODY knows everything, and people who act like they do are usually the people who know the least. And I have to say, I believe that is true in EVERY situation, not just in foster parent training. Second, even people who've been working in the foster care system for 10 years will learn new things at every training, even training they've been through before...like I said, I get something new out of it every time I train it! And third, why are people so afraid to just open their mind and absorb rather than try to look like they already know all there is to know...and again, I feel this way about the way people behave in every situation in life.
One time I was talking about the grieving process, and all the stages people go through and explaining that people don't just text-book follow the process and be done with it, but people bounce around, and often hit certain stages more than once, going back to denial or anger, or bargaining every so often. And also that people never really stop grieving, that especially in children as they develop and grow, they revisit their losses and often go through stages of the process again and again. Mr. Know-It-All in the back started arguing. He said he used to teach this process in an adult therapy group and that it is a clear-cut process, he would explain to his clients that they would go through it, in order, blah-blah-blah. Whatever, I don't believe it. I've worked with a number of kids in foster care and seen them go through these stages in whatever order their brains go through them, and I've seen them re-enter a stage they've been through before, often a number of times before. I'm not just talking out my butt when I'm training this class. I use my experiences as a foster parent in my training. Mr. Know-It-All will never be successful in fostering until he opens his mind.
So why am I talking about all this? Because we're in the middle of training a new group of foster parents, and for the first time in 4 years, we have an entire class full of people who I really like. They all seem to have open minds, and are eager to learn. There are several in there who have different kinds of experience with kids or the law or are already taking care of relative foster children, but none of them are claiming to know it all. They are all there ready to learn, and willing to look at things from a new perspective. The discussions in this class are important and their questions are insightful. This is exciting to me, it gives me hope that we will get a lot of really good new foster homes! And we need them.
Not to change the subject, but here's just a little perspective: the number of children in foster care in our region of Idaho has doubled in the last year, but the number of foster homes has stayed the same. That means all our homes are full to bursting, and we have no beds for incoming kids. We've had to have social workers check into hotels with kids for the night while an available foster home was found, or kids and social workers sleeping in the office at Health and Welfare, or even social workers taking the kids to their homes for a night or two. Kids are having to be put in group homes who don't belong there just because there is no other place to put them. And this is an epidemic being experienced all over the country. If you've even thought about becoming a foster family, now is a really good time to finalize that decision and go for it! It's already traumatic enough for kids to be pulled out of their family, but then to have no place to go from there is even more traumatic. Having to sleep on a couch in an office, or stay in a hotel with strangers only adds to the damage being done to their psyche...call H&W up, do it, kids need you!!
Thanks for reading!!
This is the class I teach sometimes to train incoming foster parents. I love this class for a number of reasons...I love to teach, I feel like I get something new out of it every time I teach it, and I like meeting new foster parents. The entire course is 27 hours, broken up in 3 hour sessions, and I usually teach 2 or 3 sessions. Last year there was one round when I was the only foster parent trainer fully available to teach, so I got to teach 6 of the 9 sessions. That was great!!
But I have to say, I have one pet peeve when I'm teaching this class. I get very irritated with those people who come in thinking they already know all there is to know and are only going through the motions so they can get their license and move on. First of all, NOBODY knows everything, and people who act like they do are usually the people who know the least. And I have to say, I believe that is true in EVERY situation, not just in foster parent training. Second, even people who've been working in the foster care system for 10 years will learn new things at every training, even training they've been through before...like I said, I get something new out of it every time I train it! And third, why are people so afraid to just open their mind and absorb rather than try to look like they already know all there is to know...and again, I feel this way about the way people behave in every situation in life.
One time I was talking about the grieving process, and all the stages people go through and explaining that people don't just text-book follow the process and be done with it, but people bounce around, and often hit certain stages more than once, going back to denial or anger, or bargaining every so often. And also that people never really stop grieving, that especially in children as they develop and grow, they revisit their losses and often go through stages of the process again and again. Mr. Know-It-All in the back started arguing. He said he used to teach this process in an adult therapy group and that it is a clear-cut process, he would explain to his clients that they would go through it, in order, blah-blah-blah. Whatever, I don't believe it. I've worked with a number of kids in foster care and seen them go through these stages in whatever order their brains go through them, and I've seen them re-enter a stage they've been through before, often a number of times before. I'm not just talking out my butt when I'm training this class. I use my experiences as a foster parent in my training. Mr. Know-It-All will never be successful in fostering until he opens his mind.
So why am I talking about all this? Because we're in the middle of training a new group of foster parents, and for the first time in 4 years, we have an entire class full of people who I really like. They all seem to have open minds, and are eager to learn. There are several in there who have different kinds of experience with kids or the law or are already taking care of relative foster children, but none of them are claiming to know it all. They are all there ready to learn, and willing to look at things from a new perspective. The discussions in this class are important and their questions are insightful. This is exciting to me, it gives me hope that we will get a lot of really good new foster homes! And we need them.
Not to change the subject, but here's just a little perspective: the number of children in foster care in our region of Idaho has doubled in the last year, but the number of foster homes has stayed the same. That means all our homes are full to bursting, and we have no beds for incoming kids. We've had to have social workers check into hotels with kids for the night while an available foster home was found, or kids and social workers sleeping in the office at Health and Welfare, or even social workers taking the kids to their homes for a night or two. Kids are having to be put in group homes who don't belong there just because there is no other place to put them. And this is an epidemic being experienced all over the country. If you've even thought about becoming a foster family, now is a really good time to finalize that decision and go for it! It's already traumatic enough for kids to be pulled out of their family, but then to have no place to go from there is even more traumatic. Having to sleep on a couch in an office, or stay in a hotel with strangers only adds to the damage being done to their psyche...call H&W up, do it, kids need you!!
Thanks for reading!!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Remembering What You're Dealing With
Sometimes, knowing what we're dealing with, and remembering what that is in the heat of the moment, are two very different things. Especially when it comes to being scared to death.
The girls' school is doing a fund raiser, and the kids have to sell all this stuff to friends and family. No door to door sales allowed, of course. So when Annie asked if she could take hers to a few friends in the neighborhood, I let her, but said over and over, NO DOOR TO DOOR, stay away from houses we don't know. And she did well. But then she went to the wrong house, next door to her friends' house. "He was a stranger, but he was nice!" And he bought something. This was NOT what I needed to hear! Now I have to be afraid she'll go door to door.
Then Annie realized her new little sister had not made any sales other than what I bought. Now this is where you see she does have a big heart. She wanted to help her sister get some sales. She asked if she could take her to the neighbor, and I said yes. And then she and I were going to go to the store. Well, about 20 minutes later, the girls were not back. I went outside, and looked at the neighbor's house where they were given permission to go, and there were no cars in the drive-way. I asked Cindy where the girls went and she pointed down the road in the opposite direction. I got in my van and started perusing the neighborhood looking for them. I drove around for the next 40 minutes going up and down every street in our subdivision more than once, and could not find them. I was panicking. I was stopping people I saw in their yards and asking if they'd seen two little girls. I was talking to my mom on the phone, and finally said, call the police. I couldn't remember what shirt the younger one had changed into when we got home from church.
Just then, I saw them walking towards home. I went berserk. I had thought the worst and couldn't believe Annie had taken off like this after three star days in a row. I yelled all the way home, fear and relief coming out at the same time. I made them eat dinner and go to bed early. Annie stole gum out of my purse and while she was in bed early, she got the gum in her hair. This escalated into an argument between her and me because she wouldn't tell the truth about the gum. Look how fast stars turn into X's!! (She gets stars for good behavior days and X's for bad behavior days. She gets allowance for star days, and no allowance and no TV for X days.) It snowballs, one bad thing turns into another, and she won't stop, or can't stop, she keeps doing things. It's like star days put her brain in overload until she blows and starts getting X's. (If she gets an X, then continues to have bad behavior, she gets chore sticks.)
What it usually takes me a day to sit back and remember is that she has brain damage. Her birth mom drank during pregnancy. Alcohol puts holes in the child's brain. It takes away their ability for impulse control. It damages or completely exterminates short term memory. She was getting excited about the sales she'd made, and wanted more, even if the sales would go to her sister. The minute the two girls walked out the door, she forgot we were going to the store. The impulse to try to sell more was too great. The fact that she'd successfully sold something to a stranger, and nothing had happened to her was too tempting. Then, once she got in trouble, the ability to deal with her emotions was gone, and she kept doing more things that got her in trouble. Her behavior can't be excused, and it can't be left ignored, but my behavior can be controlled, and I need to take everything into consideration. I did good by not going overboard with discipline. But I let my fear get the best of me, and in my relief that she was OK, not kidnapped or dead, I let it out on her. That may or may not have been the right thing to do. I can't take it back, and it does no good to dwell, I just need to learn from this. My capacity to learn is far greater than hers, and I need to make the changes necessary for both our sakes. With her brain damage, it is my responsibility to try to keep her from being put in such tempting situations, while at the same time allowing her to grow and learn and become independent.
This is my challenge in life. I gladly take it on.
Thanks for reading.
The girls' school is doing a fund raiser, and the kids have to sell all this stuff to friends and family. No door to door sales allowed, of course. So when Annie asked if she could take hers to a few friends in the neighborhood, I let her, but said over and over, NO DOOR TO DOOR, stay away from houses we don't know. And she did well. But then she went to the wrong house, next door to her friends' house. "He was a stranger, but he was nice!" And he bought something. This was NOT what I needed to hear! Now I have to be afraid she'll go door to door.
Then Annie realized her new little sister had not made any sales other than what I bought. Now this is where you see she does have a big heart. She wanted to help her sister get some sales. She asked if she could take her to the neighbor, and I said yes. And then she and I were going to go to the store. Well, about 20 minutes later, the girls were not back. I went outside, and looked at the neighbor's house where they were given permission to go, and there were no cars in the drive-way. I asked Cindy where the girls went and she pointed down the road in the opposite direction. I got in my van and started perusing the neighborhood looking for them. I drove around for the next 40 minutes going up and down every street in our subdivision more than once, and could not find them. I was panicking. I was stopping people I saw in their yards and asking if they'd seen two little girls. I was talking to my mom on the phone, and finally said, call the police. I couldn't remember what shirt the younger one had changed into when we got home from church.
Just then, I saw them walking towards home. I went berserk. I had thought the worst and couldn't believe Annie had taken off like this after three star days in a row. I yelled all the way home, fear and relief coming out at the same time. I made them eat dinner and go to bed early. Annie stole gum out of my purse and while she was in bed early, she got the gum in her hair. This escalated into an argument between her and me because she wouldn't tell the truth about the gum. Look how fast stars turn into X's!! (She gets stars for good behavior days and X's for bad behavior days. She gets allowance for star days, and no allowance and no TV for X days.) It snowballs, one bad thing turns into another, and she won't stop, or can't stop, she keeps doing things. It's like star days put her brain in overload until she blows and starts getting X's. (If she gets an X, then continues to have bad behavior, she gets chore sticks.)
What it usually takes me a day to sit back and remember is that she has brain damage. Her birth mom drank during pregnancy. Alcohol puts holes in the child's brain. It takes away their ability for impulse control. It damages or completely exterminates short term memory. She was getting excited about the sales she'd made, and wanted more, even if the sales would go to her sister. The minute the two girls walked out the door, she forgot we were going to the store. The impulse to try to sell more was too great. The fact that she'd successfully sold something to a stranger, and nothing had happened to her was too tempting. Then, once she got in trouble, the ability to deal with her emotions was gone, and she kept doing more things that got her in trouble. Her behavior can't be excused, and it can't be left ignored, but my behavior can be controlled, and I need to take everything into consideration. I did good by not going overboard with discipline. But I let my fear get the best of me, and in my relief that she was OK, not kidnapped or dead, I let it out on her. That may or may not have been the right thing to do. I can't take it back, and it does no good to dwell, I just need to learn from this. My capacity to learn is far greater than hers, and I need to make the changes necessary for both our sakes. With her brain damage, it is my responsibility to try to keep her from being put in such tempting situations, while at the same time allowing her to grow and learn and become independent.
This is my challenge in life. I gladly take it on.
Thanks for reading.
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