Kids Making Adult Decisions

Imagine what it must be like to have to make adult decisions at the age of 10. Cindy is sort of going through that right now. The department is beginning the process to terminate her parents' rights, and she has to decide what she wants for her future. Gosh, when I was 10 I think my toughest decision was picking a new for my new guinea pig.

This is the way it will go...if her mom fights the termination, which there is a question whether she will or not, it could take 2-3 years before Cindy is free for adoption. At that point she will be 13-14 years old, and has a say in whether or not she is adopted. If her mom doesn't fight the termination, she'll be free for adoption in just a few months, and will only be 11 years old. If that happens, she will have no say in whether or not she is adopted, they will be actively looking for a home for her. Then she has to choose whether or not she wants me to adopt her, or if she wants to find another family for adoption. Right now she can't get past the thought that she doesn't want to be adopted at all.

I agree with her, I don't think she should be adopted. She'd be better off staying in foster care long term and getting into Casey Family Programs. Why do I feel this way? Well, she has a strong relationship with her mom, and the reason for her being in care is not one of physical abuse. You'd have to probably know her to understand why I feel like I do, but I think she needs to be allowed to retain her relationship with her mom. Don't get me wrong, I also feel her mom's rights need to be terminated...her mom can't make good and healthy decisions for Cindy. The chances are better that if she gets adopted she won't be allowed to have a relationship with her mom anymore. First, there is no legal open adoption in Idaho, and second, kids in Idaho, for whatever reason, tend to be adopted by families on the East Coast.

If Cindy were to go into Casey, they would provide her with wonderful opportunities for her future as far as schooling and independent living. Also, while in care, she'd have better resources to be able to have a more normalized life than kids in State care with more limited resources. Casey would nurture her relationship with her mom, while providing a shield, so to speak, for us to keep her mom from harassing us with phone calls. And Cindy would be able to stay with us.

I know I said earlier that Cindy will have to decide if she wants me to adopt her or not, but I need to figure that out too. Right now I'm leaning towards no, I don't want to adopt her. This is hard enough for me to deal with. How can we expect a 10 year old girl, who really only has the maturity of 7 or 8 year old girl, to deal with this, and make these decisions. My hope, really, is that her mom fights this so it does drag on, giving Cindy time to mature, and get to a point when she'll be allowed to decide if she even gets adopted. Like I said, right now she can't get past the thought that she doesn't want ANYONE to adopt her. I wish the department would consider that it might be the best decision for her!!