Feeling Perplexed

I've told you a bit about Kristy. She's a challenge, to say the least. And she's smart, which actually makes her more challenging than others we've had. Her behaviors include sexual acting out with our other kiddos, vengeful defiance, manipulation including manipulating the others in order to get them in trouble, stealing, triangulation, and, my favorite, playing the chronic victim. If she were an adult, I'd simply not associate myself with her. But she isn't an adult, she's a 10 year old girl who is hurting and scared, and is only behaving the way she's been taught to behave for all but the last 5 months of her life. How can you fault her for that?

I'm perplexed because there's something about her that makes me not want to give up on her. In this case, I think it's going to benefit her that I used to have a house full of teenagers. When Kristy came to me in February, she'd been in care only 2 weeks, and had already been moved 5 times. Her behavior and the behavior of her 3 siblings were the direct cause of their movement. But after having teens who'd spent most of their young lives moving from home to home, mostly because of their own behavior, and knowing how those moves contributed negatively to their adult personalities and behavior, I can't be in on a decision to move Kristy again. I feel it would only do her more harm than good. This little girl is lost in the wind, and needs some stability. I don't think I can change her, but I think I can help stop the progression of her negative behavior. At least I hope I can. And I truly believe the biggest way I can help with that is to hold on to her and show her someone is willing to keep trying.

I'm also perplexed because I don't know what kind of permanent damage may be done to the others in our house by keeping her. Can we turn her around before losing the others? And even if she was moved from our home, wouldn't we only get another girl who would or could cause the same problems? That seems to be the trend. Children keep being moved from homes for the sake of the other children in the home, only to be replaced with more children who cause the same problems. When do we stop moving them and start helping them? By knowing what's happening, and why, we can use this to make our other children stronger and more tolerant of diversity. We can teach them that we are all in this together, and people need other people to help out in order for all of us to reach the finish line. I want my children to learn to be caring and nurturing, understanding individuals. How can I do that if I have children removed from our home because their problems were inconvenient or a challenge to us?

I'm perplexed because I am feeling H&W is going to conclude they need to move this child and we will have no say in this matter. They will do it without our consent, or our asking. They will do it even though we want to do what we can to help this child. And I have to say, this is unusual, they really don't move children like this all that often like they used to. I'm really not sure why they are talking like they are going to do it here whether we want it or not.

More and more I have love in my heart and a smile on my face for Kristy even though she does something everyday to get to me. The more she does it, the more I want to make this work for her. She needs positive energy, think of her and think good thoughts for her. It could help!!

Thank you for reading, have a great weekend!!