Haven't Been Writing Much Lately

Sorry I've Been so Brief

I decided since I'll be out a while now, I should write something more than begging for donations! (But don't let that stop you from donating, those kids deserve a great Christmas!) So I had to think about this a little, what did I want to write? I thought about continuing the story, but decided, instead, to talk about an issue we're having in the Angel Retreat right now.

As most of you know, I am adopting 7-year-old Annie. She's been with me since she was 2, and really, I'm the only mom she's ever known. I also have a girl, 10-year-old, let's call her Cindy, who I am not adopting. She's been with me for a year, and it looks like they are going to terminate her mom's rights. Now, am I saying adoption is completely out of the question? No. But right now it looks unlikely. Let's look at it this way, she's 10, almost 11. By the time they get termination, she'd be 12 at least, then they have the appeal process, and now we're looking at 13 or 14. She and her mom have a pretty strong bond, and she's never going to want to sever that. If a child is 12 or older, they have to agree to be adopted, or it won't happen. She will be 14 years old by the time any kind of adoption could happen, and she'll never agree to end her relationship with her mom. She's better off to stay with us in long-term foster care, continue to have visitation with her mom facilitated by Health & Welfare, or Casey Family Programs if we can get her into that, and not have to lose her mom completely.

But right now, Cindy is 10, and she doesn't understand any of this. So here's the issue. She feels left out because Annie is being adopted and she's not. I tried to explain to her that she has her mom like Annie has me, so Annie isn't getting anything more than her. I tried to explain that Annie will never see her birth mom again like she gets to see her mom, and that's why she has me like she does. But she really doesn't get it. She just sees Annie getting something special, and she wants it too. And the way she's dealing with it is to tell Annie ghost stories at night, and tell her things that will scare her on the way to school. This is frustrating, Cindy knows Annie has nightmares, and is afraid of the dark and being alone, and wants to scare her because she feels left out. What more do I do? At what point do I discipline? I know why she's doing it, I can't make her understand something she doesn't get, and I can't get her to quit scaring Annie. Any suggestions?

Remember to give to the kids, donate here!!!

P.S. Referring back to the first paragraph of this post, I'm having surgery tomorrow. Because it is impossible for me to have children of my own, and because I have endometriosis which is causing me scruciating pain, I'm having a complete hysterectomy. I won't be on a computer for the next week, so I won't be able to lose any Battle of the Blogs for a while. Wish me luck!

It's Christmas Time!!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I hope everyone out there is gearing up to enjoy their friends and family and have a wonderful holiday season. I know we are. Our Giving Tree project is in full swing, and we should start seeing gifts for foster children coming in some time in the next week or so. We were able to get 5 trees set up around the community, which is great. It's actually harder than you might think to find places to put a tree. The Salvation Army has pretty much dominated the retail space in the area. Most churches have long term commitments with other organizations. So to find an extra church or two this year to take our trees was...well...a Godsend for lack of a better word.

Again, I'd like to thank all of you out there who have given to the tree. I'll post a picture of the gifts you buy when it's all said and done. I can't post pictures of smiling faces for confidentiality reasons. Just know your love is felt by all of us when these kiddos get to have a full Christmas experience! If you haven't donated but still want to, click my "Make a Donation" button. All donation to this site until Christmas will go to buying gifts for foster children.

PS Donations go to The Angel Retreat

And will be forwarded to the Giving Tree.

Just Click the Banner!

OK, I made it so all you have to do is click the above banner to donate to foster kids for Christmas. I'm not sure what the extra little dodads above and below it are. I hope this works. Once I publish it, can I take it off if it isn't working?

Happy Thanksgiving to all!! See you next week!!

Two Days Until Thanksgiving

Then Will it be OK to Talk About Christmas?

What a happy time this is! I LOVE the holiday season, it's so full of family and traditions, and love. I feel sorry for all those who find it a time to be sad and grumpy. Why not enjoy the season? If it were up to me, it would be like this all year round!! This time of year makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Try it, you might like it!!

OK, OK, jeez...now time for my appeal to you. Kids in foster care need you. We only want them to have a good Christmas to make their situation a little more bearable. They can't be with their family for the holidays, but maybe they can at least enjoy themselves. We usually have no trouble at all obtaining gifts for the younger kids, but kids from 12 to 18 get very little. You can help. Anything you donate to this site from now until Christmas goes to buy gifts for foster kids. If you all gave $1, or $2, we could help a lot of kids. Please give to the Giving Tree. Thank you to all those who have already given, you have hearts of gold!

I won't be posting again until after Thanksgiving. The rest of the week is very busy. Happy Thanksgiving to all! Enjoy your turkey.

Give of Your Heart

I have to prepare for a foster parent training I'm doing tomorrow, so I won't be writing a regular post today. I hope you'll consider donating to foster kids for Christmas though. Click on my "Make a Donation" button to the left, and donate through Pay Pal. Thank you for you kindness!

Accent Quiz

Nothing I didn't already know I guess...

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
Boston
North Central
The South
The Inland North
Philadelphia
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

The Giving Tree

In Case You're Wondering What This Is...

I realize that if you don't read my blog regularly, and you see this banner, you're probably wondering what it's for. For most foster families, Christmas can be complicated. Health & Welfare tries to help out by giving us $30 per child to buy gifts, but it doesn't go far. They used to put some of the kids on those trees you see in malls, but they never included all the kids. So as a foster parent association, we took over that effort, and Granny and I are the ones who usually run it. We put trees up mostly in churches, and in one retail store. (Retail stores are hard to get because the Salvation Army has taken over most of the big ones.) We try to put tags on the trees indicating specifically what each child wants and needs, and hope they each get something.

We also have, as you may have read here, quite an influx of children this time of year, sometimes even on Christmas Eve or in the wee hours of Christmas Day, and so we try to have extra so we have something to give them. As adults, we know that Christmas is not about the getting, but put yourselves in the shoes of a 3-year-old, or 10-year-old, or even a 16-year-old kiddo who has been taken from their family, from everything they know and love, and put to live with strangers. We try to make their lives as normal as they can be considering their circumstances.

When you were a kid, how would you feel to sit in a house of strangers watching them celebrate Christmas, but not being included? Now that's not to say foster parents don't include the kiddos in their traditions, but it puts a strain on our finances. We may suddenly have up to 6 extra kids in our home at Christmas time. That's how these trees help out. Foster parents are already giving a lot, emotionally and financially, and the trees give an opportunity for others in the community to be a part of the giving. We get a great response every year, but there are always tags left on the tree. And they are usually tags for teens. We count on cash donations at this time of year so that we can buy gifts and gift cards for those teens. Some of them will be moving out on their own soon and need stuff for their apartments, some will be going to college, some have small children of their own and will have to be financially responsible for them soon. These kids won't have the same support and gifts coming from bio-families that most of us have, so we try to get them things they'll need to help out. Think about it, can you spare a couple dollars to help the kids have a good Christmas? If so, please click my "Make a Donation" button, and I will make sure your funds buy gifts for these kids.

We have over 500 kids in our region of Idaho in foster care right now. That's a lot of kids to buy for, and a whole lot more than we've had in past years. I promise to post a picture of what you buy so you can see the good you did!

Thank you!

Allee's Adoption

And All that Came with it...

We were headed into the spring of 2003. Rita had moved on to a family who were new to foster care, but incorporated her into their family very well. She would still come to visit us, and stayed with us whenever they needed respite. In the mean time, we weren't really taking any new kids for a while. I had something else to concentrate on for a few months. I'd officially decided to adopt Allee, she'd officially decided to adopt me, and the department had officially decided to let it happen. She was 17 years old, and had been in foster care for 11 years. She'd never lived in one place for more than 1 1/2 years. I wanted our home to be her permanent home. Everyone who'd known her and worked with her during the past 11 years felt like she really was doing better with me than she had anywhere else. When she'd moved in with me a year earlier, she was a year behind in school, and now she was only 2 semester classes away from being caught up...she would graduate with her class next year. She wasn't stealing (so much) any more. She wasn't causing chaos in the home. She really seemed to have settled in and made my family her family. I loved her with everything I had.

But another problem was arising. Kneesaa still wasn't free for adoption. She was also 17, had been with me for 2 years, and wanted to be adopted. I wanted like anything to adopt her as well, but it was looking like I would have to wait until she was 18. For whatever reasons they could come up with when I asked, the department just never filed to terminate her parents rights even though she wanted it, and even though she was never going home. Her father said he would sign voluntarily, but mom was another story. So we had another year to wait for me to adopt her. But in my mind, at least we were going to be able to do it, and she was already my daughter, we just wouldn't have the paper to say so until next spring.

Let's not forget, though, Kneesaa competed with Allee on EVERYTHING! She was very angry, with me, with Allee, with her bio-mom, with the courts...with the world. At the time, I think she believed that if I loved Allee, I couldn't love her too. She was also angry because she'd been there first, and felt she should be adopted first. I think she felt I should wait to adopt Alle until after I could adopt her. Times got very rocky for all three of us. On top of all this, Allee started to get scared. She'd been to this point of adoption before, and then was rejected, and she was expecting me to reject her. In fact, she became almost impossible to live with so I would reject her and get it over with. But I didn't. The closer we got to the adoption, the more I put up with her antics just to show her I meant it when I said I loved her. And the more I put up with her antics, the more Kneesaa withdrew from me thinking I didn't love her. I finally got all three of us in counseling together. I don't think it helped much then, but I think in the long run, it's helped Kneesaa look back and see that I always loved her.

The day of adoption finally arrived, May 25, 2003. I had my first daughter, and in a year she'd be graduating from high school. That day was so special. For everyone, I hope. Allee and I had found a skirt and top outfit that we liked, so she bought the skirt and I bought the top, then she found a black top and I found a black skirt, and we went in dressed alike. We had all our friends and family with us in the court room. Granny took lots of pictures. We all cried as both Allee and I signed the adoption papers. (Kids over 12 have to agree to the adoption or it won't be finalized.) The judge was real nice about letting Granny get pictures of us with him. Then we went home and had a big party. How wonderful to celebrate an addition to your family, with that person! I'll never forget how happy and alive I felt that day.

The girls started settling down some after that day. Allee eased off on the antics, though it would take Kneesaa over a year more to realise I did love both of them equally. Eventually, both girls started making fun of me because I was only 15 years older than them. The funny thing to me was I could remember when I was 15, I told everyone I never wanted kids. Look at me now!

So, in the first months of my third year in foster care, I began a whole new journey, motherhood, and as you'll see as you read, it gets even better from here! Thank you for reading!

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.
Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.

Because There's so much to do...

We Start Thinking About Christmas Before Thanksgiving...

I didn't know if I'd write a post today, I couldn't think of what I wanted to write about. But I've been sitting here for the last three hours creating an Excel spreadsheet that will soon generate labels to stick to tags to hang on Christmas Trees in our area so people who want to donate can buy gifts for foster kids. And all this made me think of all the posts I've read lately that complain about Christmas showing up in stores and such before Halloween is over, and what happened to Thanksgiving. I can't vouch for the stores other than to say they are just trying to make as much money as they can during the holiday season. That doesn't mean YOU have to forget about Thanksgiving.

But for us, we have to start our project long before Halloween even. If you don't secure locations for your trees, some bigger organization will take it first. We have to start hounding Health and Welfare for contact information to be able to talk to all our foster parents and find out what our kiddos are needing and wanting for Christmas. The phone calls take up a lot of time, trying to get a hold of everyone, and the conversations you have so you can represent each child pretty accurately on the trees. We have to line up some sort of warehouse or large empty building so we can store the gifts as they come in and get them sorted and prepared for distribution. Then there's the actually setting up of the trees with the tags, and collecting the gifts as they come in. We have to sort them. Then we have to make contact again to let the foster parents know when and where to pick up the gifts. Of course, there's the last minute needs because kids are coming into care every day, up to and through Christmas (if you've read my posts, you'll know we even get them very early on Christmas morning.) We try to obtain extra gifts to have on hand for these kids. It's quite a process, and it's rewarding to see foster kids having wishes fulfilled. In some ways, I'm grateful the stores are getting things going somewhat early so people are more in the spirit for our cause.

If you'd like to donate to the Giving Tree cause, you can make a donation here and leave a note that that is what it's for, and we'll be sure to get that donation to the kids on the trees. Because, while we usually have no problem getting gifts for little ones, people are not as apt to buy for the teens in care, so we always count on cash donations to buy for the teens.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Thank you for reading.

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.

We LOVE to Sing!

And We Do It All the Time...

Growing up, there was always music in my life. I used to sit and listen to my mom's 45's all the time, and as I got older started recording them on tapes for us to listen to in the car. The radio was nearly always on in the house from my very first memories. When I was a pre-teen and all the way through high school, we ran the local movie theatre, which meant cleaning it during the day and operating it in the evening. While we were cleaning, music was blasting from the sound system. We listened to oldies from my moms era, classic 70's, metal from the 60's, 70's and 80's, all the 80's rock, hair bands, girl vocalists, metal, dead one-hit-wonders from the 50's and 60's, you name it. I loved Supertramp, the Eagles, ABBA, Guns-n-Roses, Meatloaf, Bread, Styx...all of it. At one point, I began to feel I'd filled up so much of my memory with song lyrics there was no room for anything else. I can't remember my daughter's weekly counseling appointment, but turn the radio on to any station and I can sing just about any song that comes on. I love music.

I'm afraid I'm turning every kid who comes into my house into me this way. The radio is always on in our house. My 3 year old knows all the words to all the songs on my moms KLITE station. We drive down the road in our van and the radio is playing "Blinded By the Light", and ALL my kids know ALL the words. Even my almost-2-year-old is starting to get in on the action. And if the radio isn't working (we need a new one, badly!!) everyone is singing their own song. Sometimes we'll all break out in the same tune, but most of the time we're all in our own world singing to our own soundtrack.

It never occurred to me how strange this might seem to others until one day this summer. We'd spent the whole day together as a family, running errands, shopping. We went from store to store, showing off our circus, and minding our own business. (We get a lot of looks because of our number, our age range, and the different races.) Suddenly, we were traipsing along in WalMart, and I came back to reality. I stopped humming the song that'd stuck with me from church the week before, and I looked around. At that moment in time, every member of my family was singing, out loud, a different song. 2-year-old was chanting the "ABC's", 3-year-old was singing "Old McDonald" and each time he needed a new barn animal someone in the family would absent mindedly interrupt their own song to give him one, Annie was singing "Who Let the Dogs Out", 10-year-old was singing a song she'd learned in school the year before, Granny was humming the last song we'd heard on the radio in the van, 17-year-old was singing along with radio WalMart, and I was singing church songs. So, to make us look even more crazy, I burst out laughing, I found it so humorous I couldn't even explain why I was laughing. It was just one of those moments that struck the right cord, and I was almost hysterical.

It's a good thing we've all become so immune to the strange looks we often get, cuz we were getting them times-10 that day. I love my family!!

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.

Sometimes Things Feel Weird

And You Have to Make Tough Decisions...

After Christmas, and as we headed into our third year in foster care, I began to feel less like a newbie, and more like an experienced parent. I was (and still am) in awe of those who'd been doing this for 20 plus years, but at least I didn't feel unsure of what I was doing anymore. Some things were helping me feel more comfortable with my knowledge. One, we'd started a foster parent association, and somehow I found myself as president. Honestly, I went to the meeting to see what it was all about, and one of the social workers there nominated me, and the other foster parents elected me. What it made me realize was how involved I'd become in so many aspects of foster care. I was advocating for teens in care, helping set up new support groups and learning groups for them. I went to a national conference for independent living sponsored by the Daniel Memorial Institute. All of this was making me feel like I'd found my calling, my niche in the world. I was meant to do foster care, help those who had nobody.

But at the same time, I started to feel conflicted. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable having Rita in our home. In most ways she was just like all our other girls, loving and needy. But in some ways she...well...creeped me out. How horrible to feel this way about someone who needed me. She loved living with us, and wanted to stay forever. But there was something about her actions, something physical, that was too sexual for me. I'm not sure I can convey this the way I want so you'll understand. Usually, girls who have been molested will either be completely withdrawn, or they will act out sexually towards men. Rita was sexual towards everyone, male or female. When she hugged me goodnight, it felt like she was making a move on me.

I don't blame her. I don't think anyone ever gave her familial affection, and they only thing she new about love was sex - with either gender. Training does not prepare you for everything. They tell you things that could happen, and most of what they tell you does eventually happen to you, but they can't prepare you for how you'll feel. I was having a real hard time with this, but I was trying to work through it. I knew it wasn't her fault, and I knew she had to be taught more appropriate ways of showing affection with others. But the kicker was when she'd been gone to her aunt's for the weekend, and when she came home, she ran in the house and threw her arms around Lainie and picked her up and hugged her in what looked more like the reunion of lovers than of friends and sisters.

From that point on, I stopped worrying about my reaction to Rita, and started worrying about the other kids in the house. I feared her being alone with Annie, and so never let that happen anymore. I worried that with Stacie's problems, Rita could trigger an emotional breakdown or something worse. I can't tell you how much I worried about Lainie on so many levels. It was breaking my heart. I had to make a tough decision, figure out what was best for everyone.

In the end, after consulting with some of our social workers, we decided it would be best to move her to another home. Hopefully one where there wouldn't be as much potential for trouble in this nature. We decided this move would not just protect the other girls in my home, but also protect Rita from accusations, or even temptation. The hurt on her face when we told her she was moving was almost unbearable. I honestly don't know how we were able to go through with this move, but we had to. Then, to make my guilt worse, since then Rita has not done well. The last I heard of her (just recently) she was running wild and getting in trouble. She's not in foster care anymore, but she's not doing well either. I wish I could do something for her now, but I don't know what, and would it be too little too late? Would she have a better life right now if I'd kept her in my home? I'll never know.

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.

My 2nd Christmas as a Mom

Christmas 2002

This Christmas seemed even more special to me. I had all the girls who seemed more like a part of me than any of the others had, I had Kneesaa, Stacie, Allee, Lainie, and Annie. They were all so special. We decided to get real creative with our Christmas card pictures that year, and dressed everyone up as cowgirl Angels and posed on bales of hay. The pictures were so cute! I wrote our Christmas poem, and we signed it the Angel Retreat, and sent it our to all our family and friends, and case workers. It was really our second such card, but the first with such a poem and the first using our name, "Angel Retreat". This has since become a tradition. I already have people asking about this year's card!

Of course, just after we sent this card out, a new angel came to us. Rita, another 13 year old girl. She seemed to fit in well right away. It was kind of funny (to me) to see how the dynamics of the girl's changed with every new girl who came along. Suddenly, Lainie and Rita were best friends. This kind of left Stacie out as she and Lainie had been best friends before. Allee and Kneesaa, both the same age (separated by a month), and the only blonds in the house, were at the same time best friends and mortal enemies. They had to stick together against the force of the dark heads, but the competition for top spot in the pecking order between them was so strong they often were fighting against each other. One of our social workers, who worked with all the girls on independent living skills, secretly called Allee and Kneesaa the Barbies. They were both beautiful and girlie, and had smiles to melt the crowd. The dark heads were more tomboyish and frumpy most of the time. Although, Lainie wanted to be more girlie, she hated the Barbies and wanted to be nothing like them. And now Stacie found herself in the middle. Rather than stand up for herself, she withdrew. She hated the Barbies too, but would conspire with them just so she wasn't alone.

Then there was Annie. Annie was loved by all. She was also shunned by all. They loved playing with her, or showing her off to all their friends, but she had started developing the dreaded rage behaviour we've come to know, and the older girls were already tired of it. Here she was, 3 years old, so small she was still wearing size 24 months clothes, and acting like a 16 year old girl. (Except for the rages.)

But all that got put aside for Christmas. I loved sharing my childhood memories with them, and giving them the gift of our family traditions. We also started a tradition of our own. I'd heard about it from a co-worker. He said it was a German tradition to set your shoes out on the eve of St. Nicholas day, and St. Nick would come while you were sleeping to leave gifts in your shoes. The gifts would indicate whether you needed to improve your behaviour, or you were doing OK. So you would get socks, candy if you were real good, and coal if you had work to do. The girls loved the idea, so it became an Angel Retreat tradition.

Another tradition I showed them was that we open a gift here and there during the whole month of December until Christmas Eve when we open all our other gifts. Usually, the early gifts are things like family Christmas t-shirts, Christmas pajamas, new blankets, slippers. You know, cozy stuff. They loved it. We'd all sit around in the living room to open a gift, and I think it was more the togetherness than the gift that meant something.

In all, everyone had no problem getting into the family spirit of Christmas as we included them in all our rituals. It was a happy time in the house. Rivalries were somewhat set aside, bad behaviour was put on a shelf, and we were all one. It's what most families do anyway, but it was more special to me for two reasons: 1) I was a mom finally, and these were my kids! and 2) None of these people were family biologically, but were able to come together and have this special time together. Thinking about their losses at that time, and helping each other through says a lot about those kids no matter what they've done since or are doing now. They are capable of compassion, and showed it when it was needed most.

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.

Let's Look a Little Deeper

Part 3... Lainie and Annie

Lainie

This was a tough one for me. Lainie had a lot going on, her case was complicated, and she was even more complicated. She didn't want to get close to anyone, but wanted everyone to think she was their best friend. I loved her. Not right away. She came in first thing trying to manipulate me and get away with whatever she could. But one thing about foster parents who've taken a lot of teens, they've been through it already. I recognized what she was doing immediately. I dealt with it. I made her help clean the kitchen when it was her night no matter how sick she said she was because not ten minutes earlier she was laughing and conversing and shoveling food in at the table with all the others. I would tell her the kitchen was close to the bathroom so it would be quick to get to if she really had to vomit while she was cleaning. Of course she never did. We all knew she wasn't sick. She also found out right away that we meant it when we said all kids in the house would lose TV privileges if anyone earned grades lower than a "C" because they weren't trying their best. She suddenly became a straight-A student after we'd been told she was barely passing her classes in school before coming to us.

Once we got past some of the initial power plays, we were able to enjoy each other a little more. But the whole time she was with us, I could feel something just wasn't there. I loved her immensely and would have adopted her at the drop of a hat. She always said she wished I could adopt her. Yet I felt something essential from her side was missing. Then when the day came that her mom terminated rights, she was gone. Not physically, but emotionally. She'd already chosen to be adopted elsewhere, and no longer had any interest in our family. The day she left for her new family, I was devastated. My heart hurt so much, and I cried long and hard, even though I knew she wasn't crying for us. She has never made contact with me again. She has contacted Stacie, once. But in her heart, she was never part of us, she was only part of us in our hearts, and that's just not enough. I think about her so much...she's been gone 2 1/2 years. I imagine her growing up, being quite the young woman now, and determined to be successful in every way. I love her, miss her, and hope she's happy.

Annie

Annie is my princess. She was so small when she came to me, only 2 1/2 years old. My relationship with her is no different in most ways than it is between any birth mom and child. She has behaviour problems and difficulties caused from the injuries she sustained as an infant, but emotionally, we are mother and daughter. We do talk about her birth mom whenever she is needing to talk about her. But Annie doesn't remember anyone in her life before me, and I would give my life for her. I don't know her birth mom other than from seeing her at a distance. It was never a safe situation to meet her or work with her. Annie would not be safe with her still, so we will try to find birth mom when Annie is older, an adult, and strong enough emotionally to deal with what she will face. I can't really say much else...all of you who are mothers to daughters, or daughters with mothers should already understand this relationship.

I am getting very excited about finalizing the adoption for Annie. In my heart and should she is mine and always has been, but legally not yet. I keep hoping we can get it done before Christmas. Something happened in church that brought tears to my eyes yesterday. Our pastor always does a "Children's Message" between the gospel and the sermon. For this, he brings all the children to the front of the sanctuary and sits on the floor with them and shares with them. Yesterday he was talking about "All Saints Day" and how we are all saints, our baptism made us so. The look on Annie's face was crushing. She won't be baptized until the adoption is final, and this is something she's looking forward to. It's important to her, and until then, she doesn't feel like a complete part of our family and church community. These are feelings she's expressed to me in the past. So when he said all of us who were baptized were saints, I could tell by looking at her that she was sad and feeling left out by it all. I wanted to hold her tight and make everything OK, which I did when she came back to the pew, but everything is not OK. She needs the permanence of this adoption on so many levels. I just hope she isn't setting herself up for a big fix that won't be realized. I want to cry.

I'm on a tangent, but I have to say that I worry about the same thing with my 3 year old. I'm trying to get money together to get his adoption done, and I'm afraid if I can't get it done soon enough, he'll start to have some of the same issues Annie has. I sometimes wish he'd stayed in foster care so we could get his done quick and easy. But because he isn't in care anymore, I can't get the adoption assistance from the state to help afford the legal fees and homestudy. If you feel even the least bit inclined to help with his adoption fees, the Angel Retreat would be oh so grateful! (Just click the "Make Donation" button on the left and donate away! :-) )

Anyway, I received some nice comments this weekend, and I love reading them. I'll respond, but I am still a bit computer intelligence delayed in all this, and have trouble getting the computer to get responses out. Which is best?: send an email (can't always do this for some reason), go to commenter's blog and respond back (seems a little weird), or respond with a comment below theirs on my blog (seems the easiest, but do they read them?). Let me know what you think/do. Thanks.

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.

Happy Holidays!

It's that Time of Year Again...

This is when my family has always begun gearing up for togetherness, fun, and tradition. For me, the season always begins the first of November, that last of the countdown to my birthday on Veterans Day. I remember, growing up in the Wood River Valley, it ALWAYS snowed on my birthday. Often, it was the first snow of the year.

Then a few weeks later, it was time for Thanksgiving. What I love about these memories is the warmth and comfort of our house. That wonderful smell of cinnamon sticks simmering in a pot of water on the wood burning stove, the mouth watering scent of onions and celery sauteing in preparation of mom's great stuffing. We'd spend the morning getting the house clean, and the afternoon watching football, setting the table, and best of all....eating! The whole family was always there. My memories of this holiday are warm and comfortable, happy.

The day after Thanksgiving we decorated for Christmas, because as much as we loved Thanksgiving, Christmas was the day we were really anxious for. The lights were put up outside (if they hadn't been left up the year before so we wouldn't have to go out in the cold.) The whole inside of our house was decorated with garland, the tree (of course), stockings, table cloths, you name it. My brother and I even strung lights in our bedrooms. Again, this was a holiday full of warm, cozy, family memories. I love being with my family.

And this is why it's hard for me to understand why this is the busiest time of the year in child protection. Inevitably, we ALWAYS get kids right before Christmas. Last year we got my 10 year old on Thanksgiving, and I figured, wow, we got our Christmas Angel early. Then we got a 9 year old boy and his 10 month old sister at 3:00 in the morning on Christmas...we had three Angels last Christmas. We do what we can to make them feel comfortable and part of the family for the holidays, but really, the kids who've been with us a few months or longer are having a hard time being away from their families during the holidays...you can only imagine what it's like to be ripped from them ON the holiday!! Last year we were lucky because we had an extra bike from the giving trees, and were able to give it to the little boy from Santa. He was amazed and excited, and it helped him deal with his situation a little better. Not a lot, but even just a little works some times.

I can remember when Stacie was with us, the first two years were especially hard. She somehow got it in her mind, both years, that she'd be going home in time for Christmas. Of course she didn't because she was with us until she went to college. But the closer to the holiday it got during those two yeras, the more depressed she got. No matter what anyone said or did to help her realize she wasn't going home, she denied it. We were eventually allowed to have her mom come to our house, and started inviting her over for Christmas day. But even that isn't the same. It's not like having your whole family surround you and sharing in family traditions you've known since birth. Ironically though, Stacie now usually spends Christmas with us.

This time of year is supposed to be a time of peace and love. Unfortunately, for 100's to 1000's of kids in country this year it will be a time of loss and grief. It's already started...I have two new 5 year old girls from different families. They both came to me last week. One, thank goodness, gets to go home tomorrow. But the other will probably be with us quite a while. It's starting earlier this year. Last week we were called about 12 different children and were able to take two. That's a huge sudden influx of kids. That's a lot of family violence, neglect, abuse. If you're of the mind, please pray for all those children who may lose families this Christmas, and hope their loved ones get help before it's too late. Thank you for reading.

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.