And All that Came with it...
We were headed into the spring of 2003. Rita had moved on to a family who were new to foster care, but incorporated her into their family very well. She would still come to visit us, and stayed with us whenever they needed respite. In the mean time, we weren't really taking any new kids for a while. I had something else to concentrate on for a few months. I'd officially decided to adopt Allee, she'd officially decided to adopt me, and the department had officially decided to let it happen. She was 17 years old, and had been in foster care for 11 years. She'd never lived in one place for more than 1 1/2 years. I wanted our home to be her permanent home. Everyone who'd known her and worked with her during the past 11 years felt like she really was doing better with me than she had anywhere else. When she'd moved in with me a year earlier, she was a year behind in school, and now she was only 2 semester classes away from being caught up...she would graduate with her class next year. She wasn't stealing (so much) any more. She wasn't causing chaos in the home. She really seemed to have settled in and made my family her family. I loved her with everything I had.
But another problem was arising. Kneesaa still wasn't free for adoption. She was also 17, had been with me for 2 years, and wanted to be adopted. I wanted like anything to adopt her as well, but it was looking like I would have to wait until she was 18. For whatever reasons they could come up with when I asked, the department just never filed to terminate her parents rights even though she wanted it, and even though she was never going home. Her father said he would sign voluntarily, but mom was another story. So we had another year to wait for me to adopt her. But in my mind, at least we were going to be able to do it, and she was already my daughter, we just wouldn't have the paper to say so until next spring.
Let's not forget, though, Kneesaa competed with Allee on EVERYTHING! She was very angry, with me, with Allee, with her bio-mom, with the courts...with the world. At the time, I think she believed that if I loved Allee, I couldn't love her too. She was also angry because she'd been there first, and felt she should be adopted first. I think she felt I should wait to adopt Alle until after I could adopt her. Times got very rocky for all three of us. On top of all this, Allee started to get scared. She'd been to this point of adoption before, and then was rejected, and she was expecting me to reject her. In fact, she became almost impossible to live with so I would reject her and get it over with. But I didn't. The closer we got to the adoption, the more I put up with her antics just to show her I meant it when I said I loved her. And the more I put up with her antics, the more Kneesaa withdrew from me thinking I didn't love her. I finally got all three of us in counseling together. I don't think it helped much then, but I think in the long run, it's helped Kneesaa look back and see that I always loved her.
The day of adoption finally arrived, May 25, 2003. I had my first daughter, and in a year she'd be graduating from high school. That day was so special. For everyone, I hope. Allee and I had found a skirt and top outfit that we liked, so she bought the skirt and I bought the top, then she found a black top and I found a black skirt, and we went in dressed alike. We had all our friends and family with us in the court room. Granny took lots of pictures. We all cried as both Allee and I signed the adoption papers. (Kids over 12 have to agree to the adoption or it won't be finalized.) The judge was real nice about letting Granny get pictures of us with him. Then we went home and had a big party. How wonderful to celebrate an addition to your family, with that person! I'll never forget how happy and alive I felt that day.
The girls started settling down some after that day. Allee eased off on the antics, though it would take Kneesaa over a year more to realise I did love both of them equally. Eventually, both girls started making fun of me because I was only 15 years older than them. The funny thing to me was I could remember when I was 15, I told everyone I never wanted kids. Look at me now!
So, in the first months of my third year in foster care, I began a whole new journey, motherhood, and as you'll see as you read, it gets even better from here! Thank you for reading!
Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.
Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.
We were headed into the spring of 2003. Rita had moved on to a family who were new to foster care, but incorporated her into their family very well. She would still come to visit us, and stayed with us whenever they needed respite. In the mean time, we weren't really taking any new kids for a while. I had something else to concentrate on for a few months. I'd officially decided to adopt Allee, she'd officially decided to adopt me, and the department had officially decided to let it happen. She was 17 years old, and had been in foster care for 11 years. She'd never lived in one place for more than 1 1/2 years. I wanted our home to be her permanent home. Everyone who'd known her and worked with her during the past 11 years felt like she really was doing better with me than she had anywhere else. When she'd moved in with me a year earlier, she was a year behind in school, and now she was only 2 semester classes away from being caught up...she would graduate with her class next year. She wasn't stealing (so much) any more. She wasn't causing chaos in the home. She really seemed to have settled in and made my family her family. I loved her with everything I had.
But another problem was arising. Kneesaa still wasn't free for adoption. She was also 17, had been with me for 2 years, and wanted to be adopted. I wanted like anything to adopt her as well, but it was looking like I would have to wait until she was 18. For whatever reasons they could come up with when I asked, the department just never filed to terminate her parents rights even though she wanted it, and even though she was never going home. Her father said he would sign voluntarily, but mom was another story. So we had another year to wait for me to adopt her. But in my mind, at least we were going to be able to do it, and she was already my daughter, we just wouldn't have the paper to say so until next spring.
Let's not forget, though, Kneesaa competed with Allee on EVERYTHING! She was very angry, with me, with Allee, with her bio-mom, with the courts...with the world. At the time, I think she believed that if I loved Allee, I couldn't love her too. She was also angry because she'd been there first, and felt she should be adopted first. I think she felt I should wait to adopt Alle until after I could adopt her. Times got very rocky for all three of us. On top of all this, Allee started to get scared. She'd been to this point of adoption before, and then was rejected, and she was expecting me to reject her. In fact, she became almost impossible to live with so I would reject her and get it over with. But I didn't. The closer we got to the adoption, the more I put up with her antics just to show her I meant it when I said I loved her. And the more I put up with her antics, the more Kneesaa withdrew from me thinking I didn't love her. I finally got all three of us in counseling together. I don't think it helped much then, but I think in the long run, it's helped Kneesaa look back and see that I always loved her.
The day of adoption finally arrived, May 25, 2003. I had my first daughter, and in a year she'd be graduating from high school. That day was so special. For everyone, I hope. Allee and I had found a skirt and top outfit that we liked, so she bought the skirt and I bought the top, then she found a black top and I found a black skirt, and we went in dressed alike. We had all our friends and family with us in the court room. Granny took lots of pictures. We all cried as both Allee and I signed the adoption papers. (Kids over 12 have to agree to the adoption or it won't be finalized.) The judge was real nice about letting Granny get pictures of us with him. Then we went home and had a big party. How wonderful to celebrate an addition to your family, with that person! I'll never forget how happy and alive I felt that day.
The girls started settling down some after that day. Allee eased off on the antics, though it would take Kneesaa over a year more to realise I did love both of them equally. Eventually, both girls started making fun of me because I was only 15 years older than them. The funny thing to me was I could remember when I was 15, I told everyone I never wanted kids. Look at me now!
So, in the first months of my third year in foster care, I began a whole new journey, motherhood, and as you'll see as you read, it gets even better from here! Thank you for reading!
Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.
Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.
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