"Stop and think. If you're pregnant, don't drink."

There's So Much to Know About Fetal Alcohol Effects!

My Annie is fetal alcohol effected. Her birth mom drank, though won't admit it openly, during pregnancy, and Annie will have to pay for her birth mom's actions the rest of her life. My challenge is raising her. I already love her, that part was easy. But the damage alcohol has done to her brain, irreversable damage, not to mention to other organs in her little body, makes day to day living traumatically difficult for her, and everyone who loves her. I think my biggest challenge in being her mom is going to be never giving up, getting past feelings of failure, and remaining open minded and aware. Every so often I research our affliction and find more and more information to ponder. Today I was going to write an article full of this research for you to read, but changed my mind. The amount of information out there to share is immense, and really, I'd rather give you links to go to yourself rather than try to condense the information into a smallish blog posting. Besides, as always happens when I start reading the articles, I get so overwhelmed and caught up in thinking about our own current issues and finding helps from other people who've experienced this that I can't really write a non-biased or non-incident specific article.

Try Family Village Library, or this overview, or the FASD Center, or for some great articles, the FAS/E Support Network of B.C. *Just added: this sight lets you see some of the physical facial anomolies of people with FAS. And I found a community of people who are raising, or have raised children or are afflicted with FAS/E called FASlink.

I've told you some about Annie. When I read these articles, it's like I am reading about her life. The sad thing is, she's never been diagnosed with fetal alcohol effects. Her counselor feels as strongly as I do based on all her behaviors and symptoms, but her birth mom denies any kind of drug or alcohol use, and Health and Welfare won't have any extensive testing done to diagnose it.

Fortunately for her, she does do well in school. She is effected, not syndrome, so she won't have all the severe attributes of FAS, but most times, and as we've seen with her, effected children (FAE) do have severe problems. While her IQ isn't necessarily low, her impulse control is non-existent. She understands time-concepts, but still expects everything to be in the here and now, more so than you would expect from a child her age. She can't relate one situation to another in order to make good choices. In one article I read they talked about how these children (and adults) will see the first possible solution to a problem as the ONLY possible solution, and they won't connect the solution to one problem to another problem. So, for example, Annie knows that if someone steps on her toe, then says they are sorry, but come back and do it again and say sorry again, she can't trust that they won't do it again. But she can't relate that to the fact that she will do something over and over again and say sorry every time, but I don't trust her sorry anymore. To her, she really is sorry, but in 10 minutes she either won't remember what just happened, or she won't be able to control her impulse to do it again. People with this affliction have trouble learning abstract concepts and connecting one lesson to another situation. So, even though they've learned that a shot gun is dangerous, they won't make the connection that a hand gun is dangerous as well. That may seem far-fetched or simplistic, but after living with Annie for the past 5 1/2 years, I can tell you that it's right on.

I believe the hardest part about being Annie's mom is staying focused on her reality and not feeling defeated. And nobody is perfect. If someone tried to tell me they raised kids with FAE, or any other drug exposure, and they never felt defeated, worn out, or unsure of their abilities to do this, I'd say they were lying. They wouldn't be human. My kids are 24-hours a day exhausting. If one isn't raging, another one is. Most of them are on sleeping meds just to get 6 hours of sleep if that, so my house is rarely quiet. I can count on one hand the number of times in the last 5 years that I've gotten home from work or school to find that nobody has been in trouble or thrown a tantrum. That in itself is exhausting.

Why do I write all this? Because I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for anything. I've committed, and am in this for life. But I'm always looking for suggestions. I can always make time to listen if someone has found ways to get through specific behaviours. I'm looking for others who I can compare experiences with who might be able to give me insight or to whom I might be able to give some encouragement. And of course, though I talk of all the energy it takes to do this, I also hope I can encourage others to give of themselves and become foster parents or help people around them who foster.

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.