My 2nd Christmas as a Mom

Christmas 2002

This Christmas seemed even more special to me. I had all the girls who seemed more like a part of me than any of the others had, I had Kneesaa, Stacie, Allee, Lainie, and Annie. They were all so special. We decided to get real creative with our Christmas card pictures that year, and dressed everyone up as cowgirl Angels and posed on bales of hay. The pictures were so cute! I wrote our Christmas poem, and we signed it the Angel Retreat, and sent it our to all our family and friends, and case workers. It was really our second such card, but the first with such a poem and the first using our name, "Angel Retreat". This has since become a tradition. I already have people asking about this year's card!

Of course, just after we sent this card out, a new angel came to us. Rita, another 13 year old girl. She seemed to fit in well right away. It was kind of funny (to me) to see how the dynamics of the girl's changed with every new girl who came along. Suddenly, Lainie and Rita were best friends. This kind of left Stacie out as she and Lainie had been best friends before. Allee and Kneesaa, both the same age (separated by a month), and the only blonds in the house, were at the same time best friends and mortal enemies. They had to stick together against the force of the dark heads, but the competition for top spot in the pecking order between them was so strong they often were fighting against each other. One of our social workers, who worked with all the girls on independent living skills, secretly called Allee and Kneesaa the Barbies. They were both beautiful and girlie, and had smiles to melt the crowd. The dark heads were more tomboyish and frumpy most of the time. Although, Lainie wanted to be more girlie, she hated the Barbies and wanted to be nothing like them. And now Stacie found herself in the middle. Rather than stand up for herself, she withdrew. She hated the Barbies too, but would conspire with them just so she wasn't alone.

Then there was Annie. Annie was loved by all. She was also shunned by all. They loved playing with her, or showing her off to all their friends, but she had started developing the dreaded rage behaviour we've come to know, and the older girls were already tired of it. Here she was, 3 years old, so small she was still wearing size 24 months clothes, and acting like a 16 year old girl. (Except for the rages.)

But all that got put aside for Christmas. I loved sharing my childhood memories with them, and giving them the gift of our family traditions. We also started a tradition of our own. I'd heard about it from a co-worker. He said it was a German tradition to set your shoes out on the eve of St. Nicholas day, and St. Nick would come while you were sleeping to leave gifts in your shoes. The gifts would indicate whether you needed to improve your behaviour, or you were doing OK. So you would get socks, candy if you were real good, and coal if you had work to do. The girls loved the idea, so it became an Angel Retreat tradition.

Another tradition I showed them was that we open a gift here and there during the whole month of December until Christmas Eve when we open all our other gifts. Usually, the early gifts are things like family Christmas t-shirts, Christmas pajamas, new blankets, slippers. You know, cozy stuff. They loved it. We'd all sit around in the living room to open a gift, and I think it was more the togetherness than the gift that meant something.

In all, everyone had no problem getting into the family spirit of Christmas as we included them in all our rituals. It was a happy time in the house. Rivalries were somewhat set aside, bad behaviour was put on a shelf, and we were all one. It's what most families do anyway, but it was more special to me for two reasons: 1) I was a mom finally, and these were my kids! and 2) None of these people were family biologically, but were able to come together and have this special time together. Thinking about their losses at that time, and helping each other through says a lot about those kids no matter what they've done since or are doing now. They are capable of compassion, and showed it when it was needed most.

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.