No, Foster Care is Not an Ideal Way to Raise Kids

But it isn't All as Bad as Some May Think...

I decided I needed to write something about the terrible stigma of foster care today. I was just reading an ad about protecting your children if something should ever happen to you, and it kept saying do this or else your children will end up in FOSTER CARE as if they would be guaranteed to be abused and neglected there, instead of being cared for and kept safe until a family member was found to take your children. I also watch all those Law & Order shows, CSI shows, you know. Quite often the theme seems to be about the abuse children receive once they are in foster care. On one of the shows, one of the police detectives made a comment something like, "I'll go talk to my friend, a survivor of foster care."

I realize where the stigma came from. I know that in the past, way back in the past if you must know, the foster care system was horrendous. Kids were abused, worked to death, kept "only for the money" by some. But that was then. The foster care system has come a long way in the last 30 years! Homes are monitored and regulated, foster parents have extensive background checks, yearly. Training, up front and ongoing, is required. We go to conferences, support groups, meetings, many of us are involved in the training of new foster parents. We have mentoring systems, and constant contact with the department, counselors, PSR workers, schools, doctors, and the birth family. I'm not saying some bad seeds don't slip through the cracks, but the vast majority of foster parents are good people trying to do good things for other people in our communities.

I can say I know this first hand because not only do I have constant contact with other foster families through conferences, and because I am a foster parent trainer, but because I contact each foster family in my region every year. I spend time talking to them and learning about the things their foster children do, enjoy, and want to do. For people to know the things I ask means they spend quality time with their kids, and care about them. You see, my mom and I organize and run the giving trees every year at Christmas to help foster families get gifts for their kids. But we don't just arbitrarily ask for toys and games, we ask for specific items the kids need and want. To do that, I have to spend a lot of time on the phone with our families. You might be surprised at the time everyone involved takes to make sure all our kids have good Christmas's and enjoy their holidays as much as they can given the fact that they aren't allowed to be with their birth families.

See, another misconception some people have of foster families is that they want to keep all the kids they take in. Don't take that the wrong way, we do love our kids, and we do want to keep them safe and cared for. But we work with the department and with the birth families, because our primary goal is to reunify kids with their birth families. I have relationships with almost all of my kids' birth families, and if I don't, it's only because it wouldn't be safe. I mentor birth parents when needed, and I share their children's lives with them until the kids can go home. And this is true of nearly all our foster families. The training curriculum we use in Idaho, and that is actually used in a large number of states across the US, requires that all foster parents be open to working with the birth families. It trains new foster parents on how we try to reunify before any other option is considered. And because foster parents have to go through 27 hours of this training before being licensed, it weeds out most people who would not conform to this type of foster parenting.

There's more I could say, but this post is getting too long. I'd be happy to answer questions or have a conversation with anyone who wants to know more about what I do. My biggest need to write this post, though, was to get across the idea that while yes, foster care is not an ideal way to raise children, it isn't necessarily the worst either. Foster parents don't do it for the money, they don't enslave the children, they don't abuse and neglect. The people you hear about who are so evil are the exception, not the rule. And you'll find those same exceptions in every aspect of life where you find children...in schools, daycares, clubs, sports...deranged people find ways to get through the cracks everywhere. But you don't hate all teachers or coaches because of it do you? Have good thoughts about foster parents because you probably already know several, and they just don't advertise that that's what they do.

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

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