Bringing Up the Past

This is Harder than I Thought it Would Be!

I finished writing my post yesterday thinking I'd be all psyched up to continue the story today about getting Annie back...what a happy memory! But instead, I'm having trouble getting myself to go back to the story just yet. See, right now we are at a good and happy time, but knowing what I know, it's very hard for me, as you will see later down the line. I love my girls, and I miss them, and I love thinking about them, and it puts me in quite a melancholy mood.

When I got home from work last night to house full of chaos: screaming, fighting, tantrums, and outright defiance...well, it was a tough snap back to reality I guess. I'd spent the day rejoicing in thoughts of days gone by, and wasn't ready to leave it all behind. For the first time in my life, the chaos brought me to tears. The memories were too vivid at that moment, and my mind couldn't handle the present.

Please don't get me wrong...I love my kids dearly, I wouldn't be adopting most of them if I didn't. Just, some days, I long for the fun family of teenage girls who lived with me four years ago. I know we will get there again someday with this gang...they have quite a bit of growing to do first, and I cherish all the moments of their babyhood, childhood right now. But there are just days when I wish instead of going to soccer practice to watch Annie act like a monkey down at the goal rather than play the game we were settling down at the kitchen table to play a long drawn-out game of Phase 10, or talking about Homecoming plans.

I guess this is the dangers of parenting in the foster care system...especially when it's the only kind of parenting you've ever done. I did it backwards. First I had the teens and high school drama...now I have potty training, terrible two's, soccer practice, swim lessons, and learning to read.

I don't mean to whine...I always say, don't whine at me, talk to me like I'm just another human being...I just got caught up in the memories. And my mind also knows whats coming in the story, and I may be a little reluctant to get there, to drudge up that pain again.

I did want to say this though, I'm finally there in the story...right after we got Annie back, we decided to name our home. I don't even know why. Granny and I had gone back to NM for a friend's wedding, and we were driving around, visiting old haunts, seeing the sights again, and as we drove down one of my favorite roads, full of huge old haciendas, horse ranches, beautiful scenery, and reading the names of these places, I started thinking about our little home in Idaho. I thought about how my kids were like Angels finding a place to land in our hearts...and I burst out with, "We should call our home the Angel Retreat." And ever since, that's what we are. Oddly enough, we even get junk mail now addressed to the Angel Retreat. (I;m not sure how that happened.) I'll try to get myself prepared to continue with my story when I get back on Monday...see ya then.

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.