Let's Look a Little Deeper

Explore the Relationships Part 2

Allee

When Allee moved in, as I have said, we all thought she would one day go back to the family who'd committed to adopting her. In the mean time, she'd spent time with us in respite care, and we'd grown to love her in a different way. It was almost like it was safer because nobody had any expectations of it being a long term parent-child relationship. I had fun with Allee, playing games and joking around. I felt an instant bond with her. We talked about anything and everything. She was more like one of my friends than a child I should be raising. I don't know if any of you out there have ever felt this way about a child...teenager...of your own. But as time went on, it became obvious she was never going back to the adoptive family. Their relationship was becoming more volatile, not getting better...and how could it get better? They weren't even in the same state. She and I became closer and closer. She started doing better in school, and we began working on getting her caught up. (She was a year behind.) I felt like this was the relationship I'd always longed for with a daughter. What I began to realize was that I loved her so much it almost hurt. I didn't want her to have another family, I wanted to be her family. But knowing the plan, I never expressed this idea. Until one day, she said it. She asked me to adopt her. She didn't want to leave, she felt at home for the first time in her life. I can't even tell you how excited I was. I called the case manager, and found everyone was on board with this. We'd all seen a change in Allee. She was less deceptive, less manipulative, she was settling in, and doing well in school. She'd been in foster care for 10 years, and nobody had ever seen her doing this well. Just after her 17th birthday, I adopted her. We went through tough times, she resisted me, tested me, tried to get me to give up on her like everyone else had in her past. But I couldn't. I knew I could never let her go. There was something about her that I needed. Don't get me wrong, please. I didn't love her more than the others, I loved them all differently. I had just as strong a feeling of mother-daughter to Kneesaa, who I was also planning to adopt, it was just different. Allee was like an addiction. I needed to be her mother, and I needed her to want me to be her mother. And she was the same way. We needed each other. My relationship with her almost makes me shy off from new relationships with kids. You'll understand that more if you keep reading my story.

Allee is hard for me to talk about, so I'm done today. I'll come back tomorrow to talk about Lainie and Annie. Thanks for reading!

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

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