Spin the Revolving Door

Time for Another Change

Later that Spring, it's now 2002, Carly was being moved to a relative who would be very good for her. We were happy to see her finding a permanent home with someone who loved her and wanted to do what was best for her. At the same time this was happening, there was a 16 year old girl in another foster home who we had had in respite several times. We'd grown close to her, and always loved having her spend time with us. The foster home she was in was having troubles, and the kids were all being moved out, so we took Allee.

This was an interesting placement for us. Allee came to us with the understanding that she would one day be moving back to an adoptive placement in another state where she had been with some of her siblings before being sent back to Idaho. The idea had been that she and the adoptive family needed a break, to get a breath and a better look at things, and Allee would bring up her grades in school, then they would try again. So we knew when we got her that it would not be forever.

Stacie and Kneesaa were excited for Allee to move in. They also had enjoyed the time they'd spent with her, and were looking forward to living with her. Of course, being friends living in different homes is a lot different than being sisters living in the same home. It didn't take long for the girls to settle into sisterhood with all that comes with it. Territory disputes, clothing trauma, petty bickering, and good old sibling rivalry. But at the same time, they were protective of each other, they confided in each other, they were like real sisters. When I take time now to think back on my years doing foster care, this is the time I think back on the most, this is the time when I felt like we had a real family.

The girls became so much a part of me, and vice versa, it was like they'd always been there, and that they'd always been sisters. Our relationships with each other were dynamic and real. Granny and I wanted to share them with everyone, so we planned a trip to Arizona to meet our extended family. We had so much fun taking them to all our favorite places, and introducing them to everyone. They took lots of pictures, and to this day they still talk about that trip.

We were able to integrate these girls into our family, and make them a part of the lives of ALL our family, and I think that made a difference. It made them feel like they belonged, that they would always have us, and I felt like a need to be a mother was beginning to be satisfied. It was good for everyone. One thing that most foster children go through is a sense of isolation. They have been taken from everything and everyone they know, and put with a house full of strangers. Most often, they never feel a sense of belonging. They feel like an outsider, even when they live with one family for years. My whole family has been so great and supportive of my work with kids that they help me help the kids. They accept them and make them part of their lives too. Most of our kids are able to find at least one person within my family to form a bond. By forming that bond, they attach themselves in a permanent sense of belonging, because after that, no matter where they go or what they do, they know that bond is there. All people need to feel that. It's what makes us belong. Otherwise, we'd all be floating around out there, not belonging anywhere, feeling lost and alone.

I have to say, my girls made me feel like I had someone to live for as much as my family did that for them. As foster parents, it's not all about being a saint and savior to a bunch of poor souls who'd be lost forever without us. It's about making our own connections and finding our way in life too. I learn just as much from my kids as they do from me. When I think back to how I got started in all this, I have to wonder where I'd be and what I'd be doing right now if it weren't for them!

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.