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Enter: Annie

I just realized I moved away from my story just when one of the most important players was about to enter. Annie was my first adoptive placement. They called me in September and told me they had two girls, one was 6 months old, and the other was 2 years old, and both were headed for adoption. Was I interested? Of course. Admittedly, I was more interested in the younger girl, a baby! And I was sure I already knew the 2 year old. I took care of her over Easter weekend for the foster family that had her at that time. She was a hellian (sp?), and I knew she was possibly fetal alcohol affected. I wasn't sure I really wanted her. I was new to this, and her problems scared me.

Well, I was selected as a preadoptive parent...for the 2 year old. I was excited, and scared. Could I handle her problems? (Mind you, this is the child I spoke of yesterday who is making me tear my hair out right now.) I decided I could. In all honesty, I think my immediate motives were that I wanted a child of my own, and I was taking what I was offered. My view on things back then was much different than it is now. But I have to say, it was the best decision I ever made in my life, no matter what my reasons were at the time. Because now I love this child more than anything and would give my life for her. I wasn't lying when I told her I couldn't love her any more than I do now even if she were my natural child.

When they brought her to my home, she was tiny. She was actually 2 1/2 years old and wore clothes size 18-24 months. But she was very capable. She was also very smart...so smart that she had to see a speech therapist. I was told she had a speech problem that we would probably have to deal with for the rest of her life. What it turned out to be was English in Fast Forward. She was talking so fast nobody could understand her. When she was asked to slow down, she spoke beautifully. I was also told the last two foster families had tried to potty train her to no avail. She was potty trained for us in two weeks time. Within two months, she'd stopped biting, kicking, and pulling hair at daycare. It was like she was meant to be with us, and all the pieces were falling into place for her.

Then, when they started the process to terminate parental rights, everything fell apart for us again. Her bio-dad came out of the woodwork and wanted her. We'd had her 5 short months, and suddenly she was leaving. It was like my first loss all over again. Annie was supposed to be mine, live with me forever, be my daughter. And they took her away. The mood in our home changed. Here it was, mid-January, and the afterglow of the holidays was snuffed out. Now it was just cold, desolate winter. Very depressing for me.

Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.

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