Just a little over a month after getting them, John and Jack were going home. This was very hard for us to understand. From where we stood, we couldn't see much change in the mom to warrant sending these precious gems back to that situation. And they were doing so well with us. In the short time we'd had them they were eating, with utensils, drinking from cups, starting to talk, learning to go to bed in a bed at bedtime, and getting their asthma under control. How could it possibly be better for them to leave us?
I think one of the hardest things for new foster parents to understand is that 99.9% of the biological parents love their children very much and especially in cases of neglect, never intended to hurt their children. I couldn't believe this mom could have loved her children and let them get to this stage of neglect. But she did love them. Unfortunately, she was young, and immature, and unaware of how to be a parent. She had other problems, and she needed help dealing with them. But just because someone is young and dumb does not mean they hate their children.
They called us on a Thursday afternoon. They'd had court that day, and everyone had expected the boys to stay in care another 6 months so mom could get her act together. What really happened was that the judge ordered the boys go home that day. I was amazed and speechless. This was our first experience with the unpredictability with the courts. I felt like someone was gripping my heart and squeezing the life out of me. I rushed out of work and went home to hug my boys. I especially felt sad saying goodbye to John because I knew he was getting the short end of the stick here. By this time we'd seen mom with the boys, and everytime, she'd rush in and scoop up Jack and hug and kiss on him, and expect John to just follow her back to the visiting room. The more we saw her ignore John, the more we coddled him. And now he was going back to live in that situation.
When the case manager drove up to get the boys I could hardly look at him. I picked up John, and my mom picked up Jack and we carried them outside. Jack was getting excited because he knew riding in this car meant going to play with his mom for an hour. John started crying because he'd come to hate being taken to see his mom. The harder he cried, the harder I cried. But I had to put him in the car and kiss him goodbye. Jack waved from his seat, oblivious to the pain his brother was suffering. John seemed to know he wasn't coming back this time. The social worker got in the car and drove away with my twins.
We went back in the house, and we were back to just the three of us. Little Joe looked lonely, as if he knew too. I looked around and cried as I thought, there'll be no more after dinner tag with the dog, no more bath time assembly line. And we only had each other because we didn't know anyone else who'd been through this. My advice to all foster parents is that it is crucial to build up a support network of people who've had the same experiences and they can help you through it. Get involved in the foster parent community, not just in your area, but across the nation.
Tune in again to read tales about the adventures from the Angel Retreat.
Donations to fund the needs and activities for the angels who live with us are always welcome.
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